Feeling Blue

Blue Cat, originally uploaded by Robbi Baba.

Our dear old cat Chili is gone. We had her put down this morning. She was pretty old--19 plus years and was getting more and more uncomfortable. It was really the only humane thing to do. And yet...I've been crying all day, off and on. The grief has hit me really hard.
Chili was with us when India was born. She climbed up on the birthing bed! She was much more interested and tuned into our family than anything else, much more than any other cat I've known. And she was a strong presence in our home. She would always be waiting for us when we walked through the door.
I was expecting her to be there on the couch, as always, when we got back from Crane Creek Park, where we buried her this morning.
Maybe she was. Maybe she was.

The burial couldn't have been more perfect. Krista and I were married in that park, under an arched oak tree way out in the middle of a field of oaks. It was sunny and warm and the ground was just soft enough to dig a grave, but hard enough to really make it real.
We unwrapped Chili from the cloth she was in and that's when the girls really felt it. They weren't there for the vet.
We all were crying when we laid her in her grave--she was still soft enough to curl her up. We covered her with marigolds that Joyce and Jerry bought for us at the farmers market. And then with our hands we carefully covered her again with the coarse dry earth.
India had found a big stone not far away and I was just able to pick it up and carry it over for a marker.
It had been years since we'd visited that tree, but now I'm sure we'll go again soon.
I'm going to go back to vacuuming up all the cat hair she left behind all over the house. Except for one little bit I combed off of her this morning, before the vet came. I'm keeping that.
I know that some of this grief I'm feeling is connected up with my folks dying, thirteen years ago. It's all connected and it comes in waves.
I'm grateful I have enough time and space in my life to feel this, even though it's hard. Thanks for reading this and take a minute today to let someone know you love them.
rob